it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
