He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
