Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
