The maid of honor just puked.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
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She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
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It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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