just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Every concussion has its silver lining
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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