Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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