His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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