the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
