Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
