Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
