how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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