I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
