don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I intend to get homeless drunk
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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