i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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