i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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