He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
