they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
