She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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