I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
