the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
