i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
