so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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