If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
