Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
