Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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