"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
