He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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