thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
