please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
