shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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