i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
