How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
