Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
