Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Also, beer. Big fan.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
