last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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