I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
