Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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