he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize