I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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