i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
