I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
