I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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