Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
