I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
My bed smells like the plague
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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