I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
