That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
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I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
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My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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