I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
