His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
