Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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