I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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