Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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