I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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