The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
