so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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