can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
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