rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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