This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
