omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
false alarm, still single
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