I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
